I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
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ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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