I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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