Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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