Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
