When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
