I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
