guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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