After last night, I could never be a politician.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
