in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
