I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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