all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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