Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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