I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
