Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
