my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
