Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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