Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
