We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
