the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sext me about skeletons
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
