And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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