I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
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His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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