I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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