fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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