I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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