My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
