Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
