I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
