Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
