Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
