Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
