I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
