You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
