please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
