he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
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He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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