its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
