6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
