How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Girls should come with a carfax report
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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