i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
