Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
