I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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