it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
