I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
