So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
