I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
