IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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