ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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