It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
