i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
