just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
