Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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