i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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