Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And then my night got REAL pukey
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
