i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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