Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
40s are totally the cure
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And then he peed in my hair
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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