my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
