We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
