I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
