This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
