I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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