South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The air taste purple.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
