ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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