I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Never underestimate the power of titties
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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