Your face is a jimmy john
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
