I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
