just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
