I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
