she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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