Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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