why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
