maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
