Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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