Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
