my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
