Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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