i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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