he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we made out on top of his cat.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize