New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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