happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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