the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
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Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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