Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
